I feel like I’m kind of in a dilemma. I want to fall in love and be in a relationship so bad! However being that I want to experience this so bad I’m also extremely afraid that it won’t happen because I don’t want to miss out in such an amazing experiencing and so I get nervous whenever I talk to a girl as a result…and messed up every chance so far. I feel sad right now, I feel like I’ve messed up many opportunities of being with amazing women. I feel like so many people are in relationship (or at least have) and get to experience the amazing feelings from being in one….loving the other, being loved, adored, honored, and experiencing the feeling of being connected with someone beautiful. I think nothing amazing can come close to those feelings. I’m starting to feel scared right now because I’m afraid that I will never get to be in one and see what it’s like to experience these feelings. I’m aware of how amazing a relationship would be and how it will probably benefit my life and if I never get to experience this, I’m afraid guilt will eternally ring with me forever and make my spiritual awakening process tougher. Any advice on how to deal with this? Thanks so much!

There's some important things about relationships that you ought to consider, especially if you plan on develloping your spiritual awareness at the same time. It's very tricky to accurately describe what to look out for, but I'll do my best to provide an honest answer about such a difficult subject. Relations are already not that easy without the spiritual aspect in your life.

So first, some things you need to really consider before combining the two.

First of all, the element of change. If you want to devellop your awareness, you will need to work through a lot of changes inside yourself. Fears, habits, gifts, desires will all come up and change depending on how you work with them. You will already have a lot of 'difficult' times where it all seems too much to deal with. People around you often respond the same way, especially the ones closer to you. They will fear the change and will constantly think you'll end up being a stranger to them. It's not always easy to deal with this, both for you or your future partner. You will both struggle to either keep you the way you are, or to keep on growing.
Of course, it is possible to find someone who will support you all the way, I will use Sytske and Jan as an example (personally, I find that you could shoot Sytske especially a message asking for relationship dynamics through develloping your awareness, she'll know a thing or two that I may have forgotten), a couple who both take classes here. They've had their struggles along the way but they seem to be doing just fine. This is rare though, people tend to eventually realise that their partners can't cope with them becoming more aware and changing, even though they themselves love the changes they've been working on.
You could get your future partner to take classes as well, but I understand that this is sometimes a controversial subject for people to discuss.

Second, the student-teacher relationship. Some people won't understand this one, but that's okay. I've only come to get this last week or so. You can most clearly see this within any sort of institute, or a family. There's a set system of hierarchy. One has more dominance than the other (either official or purely psychologically so), and so people have to submit in a way to the upper ranks. It's crudely put, but that's the general gist of it.
The meta has the same idea. Every person has a spiritual and emotional age, aside the physical one. Most people don't get much further than 4 years old on that one (99% of people); because of their childhood issues barring any possible growth. As you travel the spiritual path, you will grow older in these aspects, essentially making you the bigger one of most people you'll ever come across. That goes for partners as well, and that's why relations would be tricky; being emotionally older than your partner means that you'll take a dominant position over them, if you want to maintain your spiritual power.
So they'll essentially be the 3 y-old compared to your 10 or much much older age. This can be hard on both sides to cope with, because you can't live on an equal level. She can't rise to your level without putting in the same amount of work you did, and you can't lower yourself to their age because that would mean compromising your integrity (sense of self, your power, who you are in your core) for another. Unless you don't mind being the bigger one (the repsonsible one) of the two, and her being the one to be taken care of and looked after (against her will, most likely), this is a huge block in a relationship when spiritual awareness comes into play.

For the same reason, you can't teach your partner directly. Again, Sytske and Jan make an excellent example. Sytske is a higher belt (green), and is an official teacher here, while Jan is somewhere between white and yellow. Systke will never be seen teaching a class where her husband is partaking in. This is because she would have to be dominant over him, both will have to agree on him being a student and her being a teacher, instead of equals, which basically bars out the possibility of having a healthy relationship. So you can't really say something like "Well if she's not at my level, I'll just teach her how to get there!". I haven't seen anyone pull that off effectively yet, I doubt there's a way around it.


Now say you understand all this, and you still want a relationship WHILST training your spiritual awareness, I understand you have trouble talking to people and having the general 'balls' to be yourself and seduce someone. This will actually solve itself as you grow. You'll learn to deal with social constructs (tunnelvision ideas that lock you in making certain decisions outside your will), you'll work through fears and emotions from your past that tend to make you panic in social situations, and so on.
I can't give you a solid answer for this, but if you really want to go for it, I can only suggest you work on it all first, and grow some awareness before jumping in. The general idea in reltions is, don't get started before you gain a green belt and can really love yourself and anyone else for who they are. Unless you happen to already be in a solid relationship.

If you don't want to go all through the trouble, you'll have to pick either one of these two and focus on that one solely

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That all said, there's much more a strong sense of needing company badly, more enjoying the idea of sharing time with someone, rather than having a relationship. I might be wrong of course, but in that case you'll naturally learn to understand what you *need* as you grow, and the desire for a relationship will grow smaller as you start to accept yourself more.
In my opinion you're just really driven to find people you feel at home with and hug whenever you want to, rather than someone you want a romantic relation with. there's a difference between those things. You'll need to consider for yourself what you really want, and why you want it, and base your actions based on that.

If I am right, you should, again, find your way as you grow. You'll let go of the sadness involved with feeling alone, and in cases the blocks that come with feeling worthless or left behind. Once you get that far, you'll find that you can both just walk up to people if you so wish, and that you'll have no 'desire' for a relation (or I.o.w, that you lack the fear of being alone), leaving you plenty options to do what makes you happiest at the time.

It's not something anyone can walk you through via a forum however, and I can only give you some idea of the choices you can make right now. Maybe higher belts can still give you more accurate info than I have.

Best of luck,
and remember that the only one that really need to love you is yourself.

I agree with Arthur.

Now I want to say a thing or two:

You're very brave! You went into the unknown and tried something and now you're learning from it. That's a really scary thing to deal with. But you went in there and kept on trying, and now you're asking for some help that's also brave. Plus, you're not doing anything wrong especially if you want to follow arthur's advice and/or found new interests and want to change that's not a bad thing at all. :3 It's part of human nature to change. There's all these rules about having to have this ideal life that everyone seems to think that's the only way to live: get a job and stick with that for the rest of your life, and get married and have kids. It really honestly does not have to be like that and it's not wrong to have something different. Of course you can still do those things, when you feel ready, but there's many different ways to do it, that's not wrong either. :3 Experiment! Try new things and new angles and new ways of look at what's going on in your life, and Arthur's advice is a really great start.

Hello, I want to thank you guys for the great responses. I think what you told me is great insight and I think it was pretty helpful. I think your right about companionship, I do want to find some close friends that I can feel at home and I can hug a lot and maybe do more then that and maybe connect on a deeper level with. A relationship still does sound very awesome to me. I think what it is I really want is something to make me feel really special. I think a relationship with someone special would definitely make me feel that way but I'm not limited on thinking that that is the only way. I think in order for this happen, I need to leg go of the fear of not experiencing the opportunity to feel that.

Heya,

Like Arthur said, you will get more secure and confident as you grow emotionally and spiritually.

To give an example of what he is talking about, I shall tell a story from my own experience. For as long as I can remember I have been awkward and uncomfortable around girls I felt attracted to. I wouldn't know what to say, how to express that I was interested without coming across as insecure. With a lot of fear and effort involved I did manage to ask a girl out a few times, only to be rejected because well, I came across as totally nervous, and like the whole affair was a huge problem instead of something potentially fun and exciting. Not exactly a turn-on.

Over the past few months I have been working to get over my fears and anxieties in general, get closer to my integrity self, and become healthier and more joyful with exercises like the holy child and joy center, working through gutmuck and drama, the stuff you do when you follow the Elfpath courses.

At some point last October I was in a coffee house with a few folks from Elfpath. We went to sit down at a table, and we were one chair short. I spotted a girl working on a laptop with her bag resting on a chair next to her. So I walked up to her and politely asked whether that chair was taken. I got the chair, and upon returning to our table, Casadei told me "booyah!" for doing a good job. I was confused, and went like "huh? What'd I do?". Cas pointed out the girl I talked to was all wooed, giggling, going "oh heehee of course you can have the chair", making jokes, telling me admiringly "ohh and you're so polite!". Later on the girl went to the bathroom, and upon returning hung out with Sytske and her baby for a bit in order to check me out again. I was pretty oblivious to the whole thing myself, but if a black belt senses it's like that, I am inclined to believe her .

So without intending to do it, just by being a more healthy and happy me, I impressed and charmed this girl, who happened to be very pretty and well-dressed too .

So I would say, don't worry about romance for the moment, but focus instead on yourself, on becoming a happier, healthier you .

Kind regards,

Gimli/Pirate

Nothing related, I'm just wondering how on Earth these Q&A's get sooooo many monkeyloads of views... The average journal doesn't even get these rates after a dozen pages.

Journals are set to private, you have to be signed up to the forums to see. I think what could be causing the amount of views is bots or random ppl that can access the public parts of the forum.