Soul perfection
From Elfi
QandAngel for Ikas group, 15 January 2010, by Angel
Their question: "We learned that souls come to earth for experiences and change. Does the incorporeal part of a person ever become precisely what it wants to be through expierences had here on earth, or does that idea of perfection keep changing?"
Contents |
The perfect sunset
Angel: Have you ever heard me say "You can never get to perfect by improving"? Know what an "asymptote" is?
A student: One of those lines that keeps nearing a certain value, yet never hits it? If I recall it right it has something to do with the equation behind it. The more it approaches that value, the smaller the amount added to the asymptote number. So 0.1, 0.9, 0.95, 0.99, 0.995, 0.999 etc.
Angel: Good. Math aside, the idea is the same. "Perfect" is an asymptote. It's a line that can never be reached. At best we can get closer to it. But always there will be some piece we could do or understand or ... better. Does that make sense to you? Thus you can never get to perfect by improving.
So...Since that wasn't really your question, I'll finish it up and get to your real question. You can never get to perfect by improving. So, no. you cannot work your way to a place where you are content with yourself, in this life or between lives. You need to make one of two choices. Either accept never being perfect... or decide you are already perfect. With me so far?
Students: Yes.
Angel: Look at a sunset. An amazing sunset is "perfect." And yet it keeps changing. Watch ocean waves. There is perfection there, but they continue to change, constantly. You can look deeply and find perfection in your Self... and still keep changing.
You either accept that somethings are perfect. A baby's smile. An "I love you" from someone special. And so on.... Or you decide that nothing is perfect. If nothing is then perfect is a useless abstraction.
The Idea of Perfect is not useful
Ideas are only useful if they label some things and not others. If everything or nothing is covered by a label, then it's about as useful as "thingie"... no descriptive value. So "perfect" is only useful to you if some things are perfect. Ok? Alternatively, if nothing's perfect, you set yourself up for unhappiness trying to get there. It's impossible. If everything's perfect, stop trying! So some things must be "perfect" for it to be helpful.
What things are "perfect" for you?
A student: I suppose... nothing.
Another student: If I think about applying that word to something, it doesn't fit.
Another student: There are things that are perfect to me ... but that constantly changes with my mood. So if that keeps changing, theres not a real set value for perfect.
Angel: So "perfect" is either a changing commodity (a self-relative or self-defined thing) or it is an unreachable ideal. Fair? So, if it's self-defined, you can decide right now that you are perfect and be done with the struggle. Or if it's unreachable, you can save yourself lifetimes of trying to get to the impossible and set aside the idea. The summary of it is that "perfect" is a stumbling block that handicaps us, and that trying to get there by improving is an impossible quest.
Let's see... Does the incorporeal part of a person ever become precisely what it wants to be through expierences had here on earth, or does that idea of perfection keep changing? This has at least one piece that makes it unanswerable. Tn fact it has a few. That is, the question is difficult to answer given how it's stated. However, I think it's language that's clumsy and not any of you. So i have had rohaa working on what i think is the deeper question.
No one is grading you on life.
We all went to school right? And had teachers grade us on "the right answer" and strived for the "perfect" score and so on? And before that we all had parents who expected us to get "the right answer" or be "the good kid" by doing the "right thing"... ?
So inside of almost everyone in this "modern" world, there is an idea: "I need to work hard enough and try hard enough to 'get it right' so that those who grade me will approve." It's an insane school system, but it's even more insane to try to apply that idea to this lifetime after school. And impossible to apply it to who we are outside of this life.
Understand this: No One is grading you on this life. No One! There is no "perfect score" you'll get.
When you finish you will all face one "judge" and be asked two questions. That judge is you.
The questions are simple:
- Why did you live this life?
- And did you accomplish that?
So, the non-conscious but OH SO STRONG idea that we have to struggle toward perfect in this life or between lives is based on a false presumption taught us by difficult childhoods and too much screwy schooling. The question you asked, then, is one that's based on a flawed understanding... but underneath it is something oh so important.
You did all you could. You're ok.
Are you aware that all four of you feel a deep sadness atm? Yes? Cool. Rohaa feels it also. And what's odd to me is that it has the same ?flavor to it from all four of you. Almost exactly the same. That sadness is the root of this question. Since we started I've had Rohaa working on trying to find the root of it and ask the real question.
Rohaa: I think at the bottom of this, we're wondering "How do we know we're doing ok?" Because most of us at some point in our lives have been abandonned by people we cared about, or mistreated. So we're afraid that since they left us, we must not be good enough.
Angel: All five of us have been 'abandoned' or rejected or called failures by those important to us in some significant way in this life time. Yes?
All: Yes.
Angel: And so deep inside there is a child piece that says something like "If only I'd been a bit better or done a bit more or tried a bit harder.... they would still be here, they'd still approve of me... and it'd all be alright." In this way is born the frustrated perfectionist or the suicide.
... What happened is done. Maybe it had to happen that way. Doesn't make it hurt any less horrifically... but it's done. It's time to look back and say, "Given all I knew at the time, all I had, all I could do.... I did the very best I knew! I cared so much and wanted so much.... but that was all I had to give and I gave it all."
And then: "If I were exactly back there, I'd do exactly the same thing, because I wouldn't know any different."
So, having acknowledged that you gave all the passion and power your then level of love, awareness, understanding, and experience allowed, it's time to forgive yourself for not doing or being more. In fact, it's time to begin to celebrate that.
1- you did ALL you knew in an impossible situation. and
2- that it still bothers you so much shows how much you love and you care.
Forgive your Self.
- accept that it happened
- forgive your Self for not doing or being more
- honor and begin to celebrate what you did give/do
- begin to let the pain and the self-loathing go. You're perfect. You are where you need to be.
You are exactly where your life has brought you. All the wisdom your spirit has has brought you to this point. And that point, now, is perfect.... So you either accept that, and decide you are right where you need to be (i.e. already perfect) or you set aside the idea of perfect as that unreachable ideal we talked about and begin to celebrate that you are where you need to be.
That life has brought you exactly the experiences you need to help you to grow, to help others, to understand... to be so much more than you were before. All I have to say.
Recommendations
These ideas are obvious, even self-evident, when looked at carefully... but they totally violate all that we've been taught to keep us in line. So my recommendations to you.
1- each of you go over this talk and re-write the ideas in your own words. connect them to your personal history.
2- summarize this thing together and post it so that others who have this same question can get an understanding
3- look for someone else who seems to be struggling to be "good enough" because of a painful past and explain these ideas to them.
4- finally, begin to practice gratitude for what your life has brought you, to look for the deep wisdom that comes from the painful experiences, and to seek opportunities to use that wisdom to make the lives of others more beautiful, easier, more "perfect."
