Approval
From Elfi
Q&Rohaa for Ori group, by Rohaa (June 8, 2010)
The question of our students was: How do you explain to non-Elfpath people why you did certain things based on scanning, or on the knowledge that there is no good and bad?
Contents |
Worrying about others
There are a lot of different ways to answer that question. I could answer the actual one in 2 minutes flat, but I don't think that is what you're after. You know how you have lots of different I's inside you, and sometimes a few of those I's want to say something but your conscious mind won't let it? That's the case here. You have a question for me, but you're afraid to come out and really ask it. So you make up something that's nice and safe and vaguely touches on it. Tell me what you're really asking me.
Student 1: I think it's not so much about the other people as it is about ourselves. I don't know, I have this feeling it's about how we can change our lives - like really change it - and use all we've learned here without any fear or doubt or worry about others.
Student 2: For me its kinda how can I live like this without getting in trouble. I don't think I'll ever have to "kick a dog" or anything like that but what if its something like trespassing and getting caught and you have no other excuses but "I wanted to and it scanned right." Do we just go face a fine and learn something from it all?...is it really that simple?
Rohaa: Alright. There's two parts to this for all of you:
1) Oh god if I do this meta thing, people will think I'm crazy and not like me anymore.
2) If there's no good and bad, like our classes have been showing us, then how do I know I'm a good person?
Both of these boil down to the same, namely that you're looking for someone or something to approve of you, to tell you that you're ok, that you're running a good life. And that's understandable. Once you start to let go of principles of good and bad, you suddenly don't have terribly much left to let you know if you're alright. You don't have a standard to measure yourself against anymore. You could do what scans, of course, but that helps you nothing. Other people don't understand what it means to do what scans, so they won't approve of you. Maybe they'll even approve of you less now that you're letting go of principles that they still follow.
So you're doing the math, and coming up with "If I follow this path, not only do my morals fall away, other people will probably disapprove of me. So I lose double. What do you have on this path that makes it worth it?" Comments?
Student 1: It could give you in return freedom in any way, and that could give you more happiness than before, because you do what's right for you. Also, not everyone might approve, and there's always a chance of meeting new people who do understand you.
Student 2: Yeah this is pretty much what still runs through the back of my mind. Sometimes, e.g. when I just learned new EP things I say "Yes this will be worth it" but then you face society and other people and start thinking like this again. It's like I need there to constantly be something more to prove that this path will be worth all the struggle or I fall back onto this fear of approval.
Student 3: I mean I get you will have true happiness and you won't be going around living a false life and that sounds refreshing. It's just that major fear of the risk and just having jump and do it. The chance that you might lose it all and need to rebuild is definitely scary. It's hard to think of really being happy, it just almost seems out of reach.
Rohaa: I could spend an hour telling you about all the wonders of Elfpath and the Meta-intuitive and how much better your life will be. I won't. You've had 12 classes, you know enough already to have seen what's there and if you want it. I think one of you said it really well: there is lots of awesome, but there's always that fear that you won't fit in, that you'll be lonely, that people will judge you and that you'll be too different from them to really be happy. I feel that.
Student 2: Even though I know if other people are disapproving it's because of their own issues (e.g. Elfpath stuff is foreign to them therefore they don't like it and that reflects on you), the reality is that we live amongst a lot of other people who are still very much blindfolded and I guess the fear is that, seeing as how they can't see what you can, they can't relate to you thus you will feel left out and miss being able to relate to them. And though there will be other people who are like you they might not be physically close and so you wonder whether, really, it just wouldn't be easier slipping back that blindfold.
And yeah maybe for some it would be easier but I just realized that slipping on my blindfold again would probably make me really unhappy because I'd be lying to myself. So now there's that feeling of "I can't turn back, but I don't know what lies ahead, maybe it'll get worse?"
Student 3: I don't think I'd want to go back to the way things were, but there's a lot ahead I don't know, which is in a way terrifying.
Between worlds
A lot of people would tell you that it'll all be ok, that others will love you and you'll love them and you'll be oh so happy. I'm not going to lie to you. It's difficult. Once you start taking your blindfold off, and giving up on the silly little rules that other people go by (like good and bad), your whole world changes. And the people around you, the ones you maybe care about, are still stuck in that old world you came from. So you start to want to drag them into this new world you've found. You want them to wake up, too, and to take their blindfold off, to share with you what it's like, so you don't have to feel alone. So that you have people you care about there with you to validate what you're doing.
Failing that, you want to go back to their world, which is only made easier because they they'll be trying to drag you back as soon as they notice that you're really changing. Some people will want to say "Ok, this is too hard. I can't do this. It's not worth it." And they put their blindfold back on. That's an entirely valid choice, you can make it. Some of your classmates have made it.
You're too late
I guareantee that you won't be very happy, though. You're already too late, there's not really a way back for you anymore.
Imagine someone who has always, all their life, eaten only dry bread, and then one day you give them a delicious banquet with sea food and tasty sweets and meat and anything to choose from... and then put them back on dry bread. It won't taste the same.
They may be able to forget, over time, that this normal thing they were used to is just a pale shadow of what they could have, but something inside will keep nagging. And maybe you can ignore it for a week, a month, a year, if you really try hard maybe even a decade. But it'll be there, this knowing that there's more and you WANT it.
Student: But when you said it's too late for us to turn back something inside kinda clicked, like... I dunno, like right, Rohaa's confirmed that there's only one path out of here and that's forward.
Student: It's like if you decide to put that blindfold back on... others will want you to keep it on, but you'd still be tempted to peak.
Rohaa: I like that metaphor. And if you peak once, and get reminded of what it was like, you'll want to peke again. And again. Some wisdom masters say "There are only two mistakes you can make on your path to awakening. One is to never start. The other is to not finish." You've already dodged the first bullet :)
Your spiritual path
Some people get a little angry that they started this course all non-suspecting, and suddenly it's too late and they can never simply enjoy their little grey world anymore. The simple fact is, it was already too late when you got here. There was already something gnawing at you, saying "There's more, I want it, give." Why do you think you ended up here?
This is not us doing this to you. It's your spiritual path, and every step on it is something you decide on. If you want to spend some time running away and enjoying plain bread again, that's ok. You'll be back. Maybe with us, maybe with another teacher you find, maybe you take the hard road and puzzle it all out by yourself, but you'll come back to it.
So in a way, it's really not so scary that it's already too late for you. It means you've already started, and this something inside you will just keep dragging you along until you finish it. And you can do that this year, or do something else for a few years and then get back to it, or maybe do it the next lifetime, but you're got that inner drive.
Learning to walk
At least one of you is wondering right now, "Yeah but what if I don't like where this path will take me? What if I don't want to go there?" Who is it?
Student 1: I did feel something inside me when you said that... So maybe me?
Student 2: I was starting to get all determined. Why wait till next life, or ten years later?
Rohaa: Good question. And not as easy as you might think. Because you're determined now, but tomorrow your mom/kid/partner/friend says something cutting or dismissive or judgemental, and you feel insecure all over again. Even if everyone around you is all nice, you'll look at them one day, realise how far you've come and by necessity also how stuck and blind they are, and you think "Oh god, I've lost my friends."
"I'm not normal anymore."
"I'm a freak."
Student: I'd rather not get shot down again by them though.
Rohaa: That attitude is unwise. Someone tell me how a baby learns to walk. By falling on their face until they gets it. And if they fall once, do they stay down? Do they get really tense and scared the next time, and think "I don't wanna fall again! I can't fall again! That would be terrible!" Of course not. They keep going. They know it's a process. I'll fall again. Oh well. It happens. Might as well expect it. I got up before, I can do it again, and every time I get a little bit better. Mommy's right there holding my hand, and she's not yelling when I fall, so there's no need to be scared of it.
You were a baby once. You already did all of this. You had all that stubbornness, the lightheartedness, the toughness, the willpower, the skill, to keep going and do it again and again and eventually get it. Now, you can run.
You already have all the skills it takes. The simple fact that you can get up from your comfy chair and walk to the other side of the house proves it. So every time you're walking somewhere, remind yourself that once, all you could do was lay on your back, and kick your feet, and that you stumbled and fell on your butt a lot once you tried to do more.
That's one part. That's convincing that insecure part of your self that you're ok.
Jealousy and anger
Now what of all those other people who don't understand? What are you going to do when you intuitively know something tht they don't, that they think is impossible? And what are you going to say when you found this awesome new thing, you finally walked two steps without falling over, and you're trying to tell your loved ones... and they stare at you, raise their eyebrows, and think you're crazy?
Because those are the times it hurts. When you want to share something, and instead of support and encouragement and enthusiasm, you get "What, you're nuts." or "Whatever." or "I've no idea what you're on about" or even "What you're doing is a bad thing." That's when you want to say "Forget about all of this, I want to just go back to blindfoldland with my loved ones.
Think of it this way. If you're walking on that Busy Street with your loved one, hand in hand, both of you seeing nothing, and a big truck is approaching, what happens? You would both get hit. And if you can see the street, but your loved one can't? You can push them out of the way, and yourself as well. So they may scoff at you for talking about seeing trees and sunlight, but in the mean time, you both don't get hit.
Now, if you were in that prison cell someone mentioned, eating dry bread all day long, and someone on the outside kept telling you every day about the lovely pies and the fresh salads and the icecream and steaks, and .... how would you feel? If this went on for weeks, how'd you feel about this other person?
Student 1: I'd want it but I'd feel trapped, probably.
Student 2: I'd feel jealous.
Student 3: Angry, hate, I'd get pissed.
Rohaa: That's honest, thank you. Of course you get angry. They're rubbing in your face all these supposedly shiny things that you have no idea how to get for yourself, and that you can't even touch and feel and see.
There are two ways you can go from there. Either you believe them, in which case you'll probably be angry and tell them to stop tempting you already. It's a cruel thing to tempt and tempt with what you can't have. Or, alternatively, you don't want to feel jealous and like you're missing something, so you decide that they are idiots and making up all this stuff about pies and steak and icecream. Then you can sit in your cell and eat bread and go "Lalala, look at the idiot on the other side of the bars, thinking they've got all these things. Poor saps. Look, I've got bread. My life is great. Really. It is."
Have any of you found your loved ones doing either of these two things yet? Yes? Then understand that it's normal. It's not their fault for being dense and unkind. And it's not your fault for being a bad, weird, flaky, amoral, ... person. Perhaps at some point in your life, you would have done the same thing they are doing. It's difficult to only be used to one grey thing, and suddenly hear people talking about things that you don't know anything about.
If you don't know anything about it, and you haven't experienced it yourself but they have, you must be stupid, right? People don't like to feel stupid. Much easier to decide that you are stupid, and get angry at you for talking nonsense.
Learning to talk to others
You do not have to tell them about every icecream you eat and every great meal you cook and every puppy on the street you rescued because you saw the truck coming when no one else did. You can, if you like, but you don't need to. If they ask you, what did you eat today, you don't have to list your five star meal if you know they wouldn't understand. You might just say "I had a great dinner."
And if they ask why you do something strange, you don't have to tell them that it scanned to you, or that you saw colours in their aura, or that a voice told you. You might tell them "My intuition said so" or "I had a gut feeling."
Perhaps eventually, the wiser ones would come back and ask you "This intuition of yours, that gut feeling, I've no idea what you're on about with it but you're right a surprising amount of the time. What's up with that?" And maybe, you can sneak in some tasy jam and put it on their bread when they're not watching :)
Last week, one of my students and I were at a martial arts weekend, takign workshops in different styles. I watched my student take a workshop on some sort of martial dancing, Capoeira. There was a girl in taht group who had something truly remarkable. Her energy system was alive, she was shining. My scan said very clearly to talk to her. But how do you walk up to a complete stranger and tell them that they need to work on their Meta-Intuitive skills and learn about energy because they could be superman... when they don't believe in any of that? You would probably freak them out more than anything. But my scan was clear on it. It said "Talk to this person. Now. Go. "
So I went. And I simply told this girl, "Look, here's my card, I've no idea what exactly is up with this, but my intuition has been telling me for an hour that I should give it to you. You've got something special, so much that you stood out from this entire group. There must be something really important in it for you. You might want to check it out." And she said, "Oh, huh. Ok. Um, I'm not sure what to make of that. You say there's something special about me? I suppose that's cool. I'll check it out."
And she walked away thinking "What if she's right? What is there's something big and important about me that I'm missing? Maybe I could be more than I am right now. If I could be more, what would I like to be? Can I really be someone?" Even if she never shows up at Elfpath, perhaps that's exactly what she needed to hear to make a big change in her life. I didn't say a word about energy and chakras and scanning and past lives or any of the stuff she wouldn't have understood. I didn't need to. And you don't need to, when talking to people around you. Sure, they may think you're a little weird. Oh well. They'll get over it.
One of you has a specific case in mind and is thinking "Yeah but this wouldn't work in my case." Spill. We'll figure it out together.
Student: Sometimes, I feel like I have to mention something that could benefit them when I want someone to join Elfpath... but my words always end up turning out weird. Like I don't know how to explain it to them without mentioning the shiny.
Rohaa: You're trying to explain it coming from your world. Which is a world they haven't seen, and probably don't believe in. So instead of saying "So uh yeah, we learn about past lives and we work on emotional problems and we can sense things and do healings and stuff," which would instantly trigger their "Go away lalala I can't hear you, you crazy person" subconscious response, give them something they can understand.
Maybe scan something about their situation, and ask about it. Explain one of their issues for them, or tell them why their relationship isn't working out. See what they're missing in their lives, and make them realise that they really want it. Convince them that they can be/do/have more than they do now. And if they ask "Wow, how'd you know all that? I feel so much better for talking to you! You've changed my life!" you can smile and tell them, "Well, I've had good teachers. You can do it too. I'm nothing special."
Relax
Right now, when you're being awkward, a big piece of it is this thing we've talked about. You're insecure, think that they'll judge you or not understand or think you're crazy, and you want so much for them to say you're good enough that you really try to impress them. So you bring out all the difficult words and shinies.
You're already good enough. You're already walking on your path, stumbling back up when you're chubby baby legs aren't quite sure how to do this walking thing yet. You're out there and trying and learning. You're doing awesome. You don't need to prove yourself.
And they couldn't improve of your meta-progress even if they were the most loving and supportive people. They simply don't know what it means, how difficult it can be, and how awesome. If you're a specialist in an area, and you did a really complicated job really well, you can come home to your parents/partner/kids and tell them about it, and they might say "Good job, honey!" But they've no idea about the hundreds of hours you put in this peice of work, the new things you had to invent to make it work, the problems you've fixed, the things you connected and pieced together and painstakingly put in the right places. Whatever they say, it won't mean much to you. While if you showed it to a collegue, they might say "Oh, wow, how did you ever manage that, that's amazing!" And it would mean something. Because they know what you did.
So even if your insecurity leads you to impress those people with blindfolds on, the ones who are still eating dry bread... you're setting yourself up for failure. They simply do not have the awareness and understanding to be proud of you. Not their fault, and not yours. You're working in a specialised area they don't know.
Your Future
Maybe in 10-20 years, this will all be easier, as more people start to wake up and find their way back to their selves. For now, we're it. And I know it's not always easy. You can always sit back and try again in 10 years, no one will hold it against you. But you may just miss the chance to shape what the world is going to look like in 10 years. You might miss a lot of amazing things while you're busy avoiding a lot of confusion. And like I said, it's already too late for you. You'll be back some day.
It's a lot harder on your own. Did you ever climb a mountain? You know there are these long, windy paths that circle all the way around the mountain to make the slop pretty shallow? It takes you forever to get up, because you keep circling. You walk a huge distance, you may get lost because there's a lot of other paths out there, and you can't really see the mountain top from under all the shrubbery. That is what this path is like without a teacher. With a teacher, the path is almost straight up. it's a lot steeper, and you'll have to hold on and trust your teacher to know where to put your feet, and climb fast, but you get there much, much faster, and much easier. At the moment, there are not that many teachers out there. That too will change.
There's another upside of taking this steeper, faster path, aside from getting therefaster and easier and having more fun. It's that in a pretty short time, you can be that teacher who helps others up that maintain top. And your own teachers here will tell you what a thrill that is. Instead of having to worry about people liking you and approving of you, you suddenly have people saying "Wow, thank you, you helped me so much." That's when you really know in your heart that it's all worth it. When you see those others who were in the exact same spot you were, and you can make it easier on them because of everything you went through and had to figure it out.
They'll be seeing this street with trucks coming at you all the time, and they'll be so grateful for someone to point them to the sidewalk and the city map. Give yourself 3-4 months, and that can be you. Run away, and it'll be someone else. That's ok too. It's your life, your path, and you get to decide where you go with it. You won't be turning into a freak. Eventually, the only place you'll end up is back to your self, who you really are. That is all that awakening means.
